September 2010
“Well, in season one, season two, and beginning of season three, I was like...”
– When I want to feel even worse about my maturity level (as immature people are prone to wallowing), I read an interview with Mad Men’s Kieran Shipka. I don’t have that much insight about anything. Even the, “what, four years now?” sounds adult-y to me.
PS: for a Halloween...
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Petition to Fire Michigan Assistant AG Andrew... →
Clearly.
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I was going to go as Elaine Benes, Childhood Hero for Halloween but then I remembered that even though I would need a wig, that according to the Times I would just look like every girl in Williamsburg and damn you damn you damn you Williamsburg.
You ladies had better not start dressing like Miss Piggy, for real.
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“Somedays,” Regina Spektor.
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Lies I Tell to Me
Today I have taken to repeating in my head, “I am a grown woman and I accept that time only goes one way.” I only said it out loud by accident once so far.
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FREE BUSES TO DAILY SHOW/ COLBERT RALLY! →
Ariana wants to give us a ride from New York to DC? HuffPo Better than Fung Wah?
(You know what she says, though: “Gas, grass or ass — nobody rides for free.”)
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ryanjamesonline:
A friend saw Lady Gaga in Brooklyn! Carroll Gardens people! Look out! She was at a hardware store buying a mop bucket. GAGA!
WHAT!?! IS THIS TRUE?! How do you think she’s going to wear that mop bucket?
Why, when people are blindfolded, do we always ask them how many fingers we are holding up to prove how blindfolded they are? One) this is arbitrary, there are so many more things to see and count than fingers and B) people are liars and III) what if they answer correctly, but it is just a guess? Why even guess?
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Do you think Netflix will start streaming season four of Friday Night Lights three days early if I explain that it is an emotional emergency?
Earlier today I thought I could wait but now here I am: about to spend $2.99 an episode on iTunes.
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I’m really proud that I’ve handled turning this past birthday with such grace and dignity.
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I really hope I never invent anything, so people won’t be delighted when it ironically kills me.
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Can someone write me a new song called “Birthday Strex?” Because I am strexed out.
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Things I had to cut from my birthday party...
I really like making celebrations all about my impending mortality, and I also really like employing uncomfortable desperation because it makes me laugh, but I did send this to some new co-workers, so… here’s what didn’t make the cut:
“Dearest Mostly Girls and Gay Dudes”
“Please bring your friends. Literally, anyone. Even people I don’t like, or who...
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I'm an empath. Just like Jen Aniston.
Yesterday I was talking about how much I cry at TV (my exact words being, “I cry at TV like a BOSS”), and I came up with a new job for me: cry tester (or taste crier). I would be a one lady focus group about whether or things are emotionally moving.
But then I remembered that taste testers aren’t just people who like everything.
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“I like talking about people who don’t have any power…I feel the need...”
– Stephen Colbert, testifying to Congress, about migrant workers (via).
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Gawker: Last Suppers: How Do You Choose A Final... →
While I’ve never really been a planner (I don’t have an idea of what I want to have accomplished by 30, or 40, or dead; I don’t have a dream wedding; I went to a college based on a whim I had when I was 12 that I was too lazy and stubborn to change, and my idea of the future involves a hazy vision of a desk and fighting with a faceless man), I have been choosing and revising my...
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New York Magazine: What makes You've Got Mail your favorite?
Mindy Kaling: Some friends of mine think it’s the worst movie ever. They hate it. I don’t get it. People love Sleepless in Seattle — they put it on the same level as When Harry Met Sally. But I love You You’ve Got Mail. I think people forget about the great ensemble cast: Greg Kinnear and Parker Posey are in fairly tiny roles and are such heavyweights. Dave Chappelle has, like, six lines. But, for me, the secret weapon is Meg Ryan’s fashion. She plays the owner of a bookstore, but dresses like a female comedy writer. Nothing is very fitted, everything is four sizes too big. It’s Diane Keaton slouchy clothing on a really pretty girl who went to Sarah Lawrence — MFA fashion.
New York Magazine: Nora Ephron fashion is more like it. The music is great, too.
Mindy Kaling: Yeah, that wonderful Cranberries song, “Dreams,” which everybody was playing then. And Joni Mitchell’s “River,” for the scene where Ryan is twirling around in her mother’s clothes. And that great Randy Newman song, “Lonely at the Top.” Lots of the music makes me cry, which suits the film. Ryan’s character has so much to be sad about. Her bookstore — the great love of her life — goes out of business. Her mother, who is her best friend, is dead. She’s with a man she doesn’t love [Kinnear]. And yet she’s so upbeat. We don’t have to watch the whole thing, by the way. I used to watch it in fifteen-minute intervals — like when I would do sit-ups after a run. Watching any fifteen minutes of this will make me feel cheered up and then I go do something else.
Do you guys think Facebook is down right now to punish us for wanting to see The Social Network?
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“I think time is running out to do something bizarre. Around 25, bizarre becomes...”
– Janet, Singles.
According to Bridget Fonda, I have until somewhere around Sunday to do something bizarre. I think movies from the 1990’s about being in your early, post-college 20’s are becoming a poison to me. The ages need to be adjusted for “post-adolescent” inflation...
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Or, "Love, Loss and What I Ordered From...
I was thinking that if I had a cooking blog, it would definitely be called, “To Serve Man” after that Twilight Zone episode where it turns out that an alien tome by that title is not a guide to obedience, but a cook book. Twilight Zone Twist! Unfortunately, I can’t cook, so now I’m thinking that a better title would be “Cereals I Ate in the Burn Ward.” On third...
“This is what it looks like when New York gets DRUNK!”
– Tina Fey after the Emmys (on Fallon)
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Open Letters
Dear Whoever in Brooklyn Googled my former OKCupid name + OKCupid Sometime Today,
Now I am dying to know who decided to do this. Please be one of the dudes I liked, and not one of the nightmare factories. OH MY GOD, you were a RETURNING VISITOR, who is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis? I am dead. Plz get in proper contact immeeds.
Meredith
Dear Google Analytics,
Please block me from your...
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Someone needs to write children books such as:
thingsthatscarelaurenleto:
Harriet the Hacker
Nancy Drew and the Interesting Case of UI Design
Ramona and the Seed Funding (credit @ianhawes)
The Wonderful Wizard of HTML5 (credit @kylebellamy)
Stephen Goes a’Sharding
Any more?
Where the Red Fern’s IP Address Grows
Network to Terabithia
4chan the Pest
The Mixed-Up Public Drive Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
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“Well, here’s the thing, I’m not beautiful. I mean, I’m a perfectly normal...”
– David Rakoff on NPR’s “Fresh Air” (via forwhenifeellikesharing)
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Top Ten Most Important Movies Streaming Right Now...
Party Girl
Trust
Holiday
Broadcast News
Singles
White Man’s Burden
Fried Green Tomatoes
I am trying to break your heart
District 9
Louis CK: Chewed Up
“Tonight, you’re like a machine that spouts Mountain Goats lyrics and...”
– Matthew, to me.
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Op-Ed: Things That Aren't My Concern
Silly Bandz should definitely be banned in schools. TWO TIMES NOW, I have caught myself openly playing with mine (two dinosaurs, a football and a car, very butch stuff) during meetings. How are those tiny little kids supposed to focus on marketing budgets and net copies sold when there are awesome, bendy shapes that need to be played with? Also, I am open to trading.
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WikiHow: How to Cosplay As Elle in "Legally... →
I found this jewel while I was searching for pictures of Elle Woods wearing glasses, so I guess I shouldn’t come from a place of judgment. Still, it’s gold. I don’t know precisely what “cosplay” is because I am afraid to Google it at work, but I feel like it’s a word that girls who idolize Elle Woods don’t throw around.
Important tips:
To be like Elle...
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“It’s like men are this vegetable soup. And you can’t put them on a plate, or eat...”
– Joyce, “The Beautiful Girls,” Mad Men.
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The Awl: Zadie Smith Joins 'Harper's' →
Maybe I will start to buy the Harper’s without all the pretty dress pictures. Here is a story about Zadie Smith that is really a story about me because if I peer just a little harder I might be able to see straight through my navel:
When I studied abroad in London in the summer of 2006, Zadie Smith came to speak to one of my classes (Contemporary British Literature, FYI). I was elated...
