July 2010
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"Get Well Soon" as a pledge
Are there cards out there that you can purchase and give to friends that say, “Sorry I got effed and…” and then you can fill it in with whatever has made itself necessary to apologize for? Like you would write in, “explained the entire plot of ‘The Winter’s Tale’ to you,” or “talked to you about Kelly Killoren-Bensimon well past the farthest...
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Exit, pursued by a bear.
Senator Chuck Schumer was sitting directly in front of me at Shakespeare in the Park tonight. This is the third time I’ve seen the Senator. First, outside the Grizzly Bear concert in Williamsburg last summer (THAT JAY-Z AND BEYONCE WERE AT), then at Atlantic Antic, and now at Shakespeare in the Park. I want to go on a HowAboutWe.com date with Chuck, his choice.
P.S. I took a super creeper...
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Spirit, Opportunity, Curiosity
lowindustrial:
New game: Mars rover or illegitimate daughter of Thomas Jefferson?
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“She’s, like, such a cliche. Like, I like, don’t what cliche she is...”
– Overheard at Astor Place.
“The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will...”
– Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin. (via brightlywound) (via allmyfriendswerevampires)
So, not to marginalize this very excellent and writerly quote, but this is totally why my last post doesn’t work. I’m not for truths, I’m just for jokes.
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“We Almost Had a Baby,” Emmy the...
GQ from a decade ago on Mira Sorvino: Flighty... →
I can’t be the only Romy and Michele’s fan who is astonishingly, appallingly pulled in by this scorch-the-earth profile in which both interviewer and subject seem like the worst. At first I just thought the writer seemed bitter and misogynistic, but while he failed to win me over (Dude, LET GO), he managed to let her spend all of her goodwill. Oh my god, can we get New York farther...
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This is going to be a bonkers episode of SVU. →
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“What’s Mad Men? I thought you said it was called, ‘Advertising in...”
– My Dad
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“If you want to know which rehab to go to, ask me. I’m the Conde Nast Traveller...”
– Courtney Love
She is still good for something.
(via bestrooftalkever)
Courtney gives Promises 4 out of 5 relapses; 5 out of 5 for service but 3 out of 5 for contraband availability.
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GUYS, I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION ABOUT...
But I have hidden it behind this cut because of RESPECT. Please reply or help a girl out by counter-intuitively putting answers in my ask-box. If lying down in front of a train holding hands with your fella or shooting yourself in your very old man head is the way out of limbo, then what is the big fucking deal about limbo? “If you die in this dream you will end up in limbo! Ahh, limbo is so...
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“I’m an old indian spirit living vicariously through all the Indians that...”
– LuAnn de Lesseps, The Real Housewives Get Personal. (via)
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“This is like one of those situations where everyone is blowing each other…...”
– Dick Nivers
I think sometimes Nick just says things so I will Tumbl them but when it is worth it I Tumbl them anyways.
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Vulture: Intervention Actually Helps People →
“Of the 161 addicts who have appeared on Intervention, 130 are still sober.”
You guys, I can’t even tell you how happy this makes me. 1) Now I can feel a little less guilty about watching Intervention (why feel less guilty? DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD) and 2) ALISON! Just reminding you.
If things ever take a serious turn for the worse in my life and somebody looks at...
Exception
If Inception were based on my dreams it would be so expensive based on celeb cameos ALONE. How much would Alec Baldwin would charge to play himself but also a kid I had a class with in college but also kind of my mother? Another version of my mother is there too but that non-Baldwin version of my mother is also a zebra. He’d probably take a pay cut for a passion project.
On Believing In Something You Can't See
I can’t bring myself to believe any longer that my shampoo choice actually effects my hair because 1) it never seems to fix everything (nothing can fix this humidity) and 2) because if all shampoo commercials were true then we would all always have lustrous, salon-quality hair, as that is what they all claim to provide. I really need someone to start a shampoo called, “What Do You...
Thoughts I am having about unicorns:
I usually avoid thinking about unicorns because they seem as cliché and facebook group-ready as ninjas or pirates, but really, there is much to consider. Why are unicorns so popular and famous? Of all of the big, ficticious hybrid animals, they are the least cool. Minotaurs, harpies, Pan et al, hawkodiles, manatees (jk, I know harpies are real), all cooler than a horse with a hornhead. Is it...
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(I saw Inception and now I'm scared to go to...
When I’m buying something online, which is never a good idea, my credit card Secure ID number becomes like a college freshman’s fake identity’s zodiac sign. When it comes to those three digits and then my brain shuts down and I always panic (that I will have to locate my purse and stand up). If someone used that number to test if I were really myself or my own evil twin, I would...
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WEIGHING MY OPTIONS. I think you get it.
Weights Watchers seems great when you’re really busy and lose five pounds in a week, but loses it’s appeal when it’s Saturday and you drink all your points in box wine with ice in it then all you want is an effing pizza or to murder someone and then an effing pizza.
Tallahassee: The Musical! →
Ohhh, Mountain Goats fans. We are the most intense (I can’t, in all fairness, separate myself from this). If it’s even the littlest bit good I wish I could see it. What I really wish for is a time machine to go back and help them write it. I think we ALL (Mountain Goats fans) have ideas of this (how could you NOT try to work out a narrative for these miserable, sick, beloved people?).
...
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Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz
Not to be too weird about this (too late, too weird), but I just went through and deleted a series of things (about which I am being annoyingly but purposefully vague) that I used to have here on blog. I’m letting you know not so much as a programming note, as there was never going to be another installment, but rather because it feels good to put down old baggage (and save it all in a...
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Fuck Yeah The Elders →
So apparently I’m not busy today.
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“It is simply self-defeating for any community to discriminate against half its...”
– Jimmy Carter, “Losing My Religion for Equality”
1) Seriously sorry about how long this is and for assaulting your eye space.
2) I found Jimmy Carter’s statement about separating himself from the Southern Bapist Convention for their views on women to be the kind of extremely...
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“I watch two episodes of Friends every night before bed.”
– Jennifer Love Hewitt to Us Weekly (via Vulture)
Filed under: Things I knew without knowing.
Love continued, “I wake up every morning to Natasha Bedingfield’s ‘Unwritten.’ It inspires me. My favorite novelist is Janet Evanovich, I like to read her on the beach, but I love to...
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WatchI know everyone else saw this days ago and I don’t get to live inside the internet anymore but I still want this to be on my blog because it is only a video so I can’t have it be in my family which is what I really want so here it is. I didn’t think anyone cared about Jewel and karaoke except for all the people I know personally, most of whom came here (earth) to chew some...
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Fulfilled!!! →
Previously.
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Day Five of Weight Watchers; Cats, Bathing Suit...
I just had a thought that losing weight makes my face look imperious so I should stop trying. SOLVED.
Bye bye, sweet caress.
Today I was so disconnected from the internet I missed SOMETHING ABOUT JEWEL and then I had to visit individual Tumblrs like it was 1992 or something and like I have a firm grasp on time and now there is a high pitched noise in my apartment and I wonder where it is coming from but more importantly what it means and do I have a tumor but probably it’ll just go away.
Which is all to say not...
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Vulture: There's At Least One Person Out There... →
SPOILER ALERT: It’s Whoopi Goldberg.
Because it’s not “racism-racism.”
The part about it being Whoopi isn’t just a really weak set-up to a middling joke, it’s TRUE. WHOOPI, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop defending the world’s worst men. “I just can’t sit here and say BP is a destructive company. It’s not...
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Poet Jim Fisher on The Mountain Goats for The... →
Lately I’ll wake in the middle of a conversation and realize I’m evangelizing. Odd thing is I’m always evangelizing the same man, John Darnielle, or rather the same band, The Mountain Goats, who are to its songwriter and primary vocalist as the primeval fauns, or in Darnielle’s case, fans, are to the spring-horned piper with the cloven hooves.
Word, poet John...
