“What do you do with Sydney Leathers’ vagina skin? Where do you store it? Do you keep it on display? Do you masturbate with it? Keep in mind that we’re not talking about a full-on vagina here, just some discarded flesh. Do you buy it to supplement your own, skin-lacking labia? Or do you simply add it to your extensive collection of historical New York City mayoral memorabilia?”—Read everything Molly writes.
Can someone proofread this Missed Connection for me?
W44M: Brooklyn Bound F train.
You were: four dudes with Irish accents and slight stubble wearing fisherman’s sweaters and blazers and well cut pants like a goddamn menswear ad.
I was: short with freckles and dirty blond hair, wearing a leather jacket and carrying a Lonely Planet tote, staring, fidgeting, and rediscovering the attraction to men I feared had died. Contact me in any combination.
“As one of my mentors told me long ago – and I have sure heard others say since – baseball and publishing are unusual businesses in that if you bat .300 in either, you’re going to get into the Hall of Fame.”—
[Our favorite sexpert Dr. Alex is taking questions to celebrate the return of Never Sleep Alone at Joe’s Pub. Are you looking for tips in the bedroom? The good doctor has answers. Leave your questions in the comments section or send us a direct message. We will post Dr. Alex’s answers once a week. These letters are reprinted verbatim. Visit Dr. Alex’s website for more. Purchase tickets here.]
Remember, the whole point of sex is that it is supposed to feel amazing for all parties involved. The only way that is going to happen is with open communication. Therefore, during a sexual encounter, you must never be afraid to ORGASM.
Offer Regular Guidance And Sometimes Money
Always tell your sexual partner what pleases you and be very clear about what you are prepared to offer in return for that pleasure. Usually, reciprocal pleasure is enough. But, money can make an incredible sexual experience even hotter. I’m not suggesting that you pay for sex, but you should consider using money (real or fake) as an enhancement to the sexual experience. You can play games such as “Filthy Cocktail Waitress” or “Peggy Guggenheim’s Favorite Artist”.
Roleplaying is a great way to enhance the sexual experience. Sometimes, he’s a “poor artist” and I have a spare bed. Other times, I’m a “filthy cocktail waitress” and he has a hundred dollar bill in his hand…
Remember that YOUR pleasure is just as important as your PEEP’s Pleasure. Always offer constructive criticism in a sexy and positive way. If a PEEP is not doing it the way you like it and you want them to change their technique, don’t say, “Ow! You’re doing it wrong!”
Begin every constructive criticism with a kind compliment. Kiss them and say, “You’re sooo amazing… Now can we try it a little slower (or faster, or harder or softer) Yessss. You are so good. Keep doing exactly that.” Tell him HOW you like to be choked.
And if they are doing it exactly the way you like it, be sure to tell them often. And always be very personal in your praise. Never say: “THAT is so good.” Or “THAT is so perfect.” Always say: “YOU are so good.” Or “YOU are so perfect.”
So, remember to always make your Sexual Partner feel like they are doing a GOOD JOB! and they will keep coming back for more.
On Friday, we promised to put together some tips for theleavetaking, a college student who asked dudeinpublishing what to do to get into editing. We’ve wracked our brains all weekend, really done nothing else, and here’s what we’ve come up with.
First, we wholeheartedly endorse Dude’s five-step plan. He’s a smart one, that Dude. Here are just a few more points.
Stop it. Research until you’re convinced editing books isn’t a viable job. Look at Bookjobs.com to learn about the departments and careers available in publishing. Check out salary ranges on Glassdoor, then look at NYC apartment listings on Craigslist, Janelle’s List, Streeteasy, etc. Pore over the renters’ tools at Naked Apartments to understand exactly what you’ll be able to afford in NYC on an assistant salary, cry a little, and learn to code instead. It’s much easier to support yourself in many, many other industries.
Consider all the options. Dude in Publishing was exactly right to suggest non-editorial departments. We’ll add that there’s a lot of non-trade publishing out there, and working in the editorial department of an academic or association press, or a company that produces academic journals, or a literary magazine, might be a good option if you don’t need to be surrounded by bestsellers and celebrities. It’s also much easier to find jobs outside NYC if you’re open to non-trade publishing.
Still here? Why?
Fact: Allyson scored her dream job. She’s an assistant editor for a large trade publisher and she likes where she works and who she works with, and here are some things she did to get there that you can replicate.
Talk to strangers. Email everyone in your college’s alumni network who works in publishing, even if they seem like terribly important executives who probably have drivers. Email agents and editors who worked with your favorite authors. (Amazon’s “Look Inside” feature usually includes the acknowledgements, which Dude sagely suggests you check.) Agent email addresses are often easier to find than editor email addresses, but they work closely with editors and can be a valuable resource. Just shamelessly ask everyone for advice all the time and be super, super polite and respectful while you do so.
Work for free. Agents have enormous reading piles and occasionally welcome informal help getting through manuscripts. There’s no money and you won’t be officially employed by anyone, but you’ll build a portfolio of readers’ reports that you can share with potential future employers and you’ll have at least one industry contact who trusts your taste and can vouch for your work ethic…if you do a good job. Allyson cold-emailed dozens of agents she’d never met to ask if they needed a reader—most agents never responded, no one wrote back indignantly and threatened to make sure she’d never work in this town again, and one agent agreed to meet with her and began sending her manuscripts.
Read everything. You’ll be well served by knowing the bestseller list backward and forward. Get familiar with industry gossip. Pay attention to major releases, bookmark The Millions and the Paris Review and the New Yorker, and sign up for the Publishers Lunch emails to familiarize yourself with the vocabulary of dealmaking. (They also have great job listings.) And keep it fresh—you can read the classics for your own edification, but to work in publishing, it’s more important to understand the contemporary landscape.
Know your goals and communicate them clearly. You’ll probably go through a lot of non- or half-jobs—reading for free, working part-time at an agency, volunteering at Housing Works, moonlighting at a bookstore—before you land your dream job, but the people you’re working with can only help you if you’re clear about where you’re trying to go. Do you want to work in children’s or adult? Fiction? Life and style? Agent or editor side? Do your homework and present a consistent picture—“I’ll be happy to work on anything” is less impressive than you might think.
A lot of this comes down to luck and impressing people enough that they’ll help you. And even then, we’ve seen excellent candidates get passed over, time and again, for jobs. So…um…good luck?
Good advice about the bad idea of going into publishing.
So, if you voted for Adulting in the first round, now would be an excellent time to vote for Adulting in the semi-finals.
If you didn’t vote for Adulting in the first round, now would be an excellent time to make up for it by voting for Adulting in the semi-finals AND telling your friends to vote for it in the semi-finals, and then you and me will be square.
“A matchmaker sees what Mother Nature sees. A matchmaker will lie to you, they’ll lie, lie, lie. They’ll say they see your Superman soul and all that. Bullshit. What they see is what you look like… It’s chemistry.”—
Having a conversation with E. Jean Carroll is like getting Real Talked by a Nancy Meyers movie and I can’t even quantify how much I adore her.
Read this article about how to matchmake, because I’m your internet friend and I wrote it, and if you do I promise to play you the tape of our interview sometime. It was so packed with gems I couldn’t reasonably include in this post that your heart will grow three sizes.
Just sat straight up in bed because I remembered that on my first day of high school I was asked by my new history teacher for an interesting fact about myself, and I said I was working on a screenplay. I’m alone but I still need to hide, how do I hide?