May 2012
55 posts
Dear Airport Shuttle Driver,
I know we all want to hold on, but maybe when the radio station playing Faith Hill’s “Breathe” is more than 70% static, it’s time to move on.
Love from the backseat,
Meredith
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Things I Said During the Movie Battleship
“This is the plot of the movie Battleship!”
“Someone wrote this movie, and this is what they wrote!”
“Nonononononono, no way!”
“(Opens mouth wide, raises hands to mid-air with palms extended, looks wildly from side-to-side)”
“This is what is happening?”
“Riggins and Landry are arguing on a boat!”
“This is a real...
Harsh Realizations
There is no lifetime metric regarding the attractiveness of dudes I’ve kissed that will eventually determine an appropriately handsome life partner, so “But he was really cute,” actually isn’t a good excuse.
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Anthrapologies
“I’m so so so sorry I spilled ink from my quill pen on your new Grecian-inspired, hand-woven placemats.”
“Please accept my deepest regrets for spilling Spanish wine on your owl-patterned pants. Ugh, I think I got a little bit on your gauzy ochre half-sweater, too.”
“I’m so embarrassed that I chipped your bubble-glass rooster decanter by toasting too hard...
Icky Shuffle
This morning on the subway, in between baseless rage blackouts where I almost called a stranger “a worthless corporate peon” for sitting in the seat I was trying to grab, my iTunes created the following playlist of it’s own mysterious accord:
“Never is a Promise,” Fiona Apple
“Done Wrong,” Ani DiFranco
[Unnamed Broadway Musical] (Fine, it was...
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Is it possible to have a typing speech impediment?
I never fail to sign my emails, “Tanks!” like some electronic Buckwheat.
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Things I Don't Want to Google at Work
Has somebody already made Penisterest? Like a Pinterest that is all penises?
Literally making a list of law blogs right now; cursing my inability to add Bob Loblaw’s.
GMail is sort of a shitty daughter.
In the priority inbox: An email from Vulture asking what TV I’m watching.
Out of the priority inbox: An email from my mother.
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“…pooping tanning lotion…”
– This has been an excerpt from/ advertisement for today’s Ask an Evil Genie.
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“But I read tomorrow’s horoscope already and I am fairly certain that...”
– SPOILER ALERT. Today in things I say and mean.
kelsium:
I think that if we can’t celebrate small victories for a second without worrying about greater ramifications for a second, then what the hell do we even have to live for? Because I’m not gonna spend my whole goddamn life miserable every second of every day, thanks.
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iamcaseyrae replied to your post: Today I had a very depressing conversation about…
Do you follow undergroundnewyorkpubli… ? If not, you should. It’ll make you feel better.
I didn’t, but now I do! Thank you/ this is awesome!
Since that link won’t work for everyone else, here is Underground New York Public Library. <3 YOU, BOOKS. WILL MISS YOU WHEN YOU ARE GONE.
Today I had a very depressing conversation about the future of traditional book publishing and then, walking though the 28th Street 6 station, I saw two little girls alone together, reading and walking — Belle-style — and even thought that says nothing and implies nothing and we’re still doomed, I decided to feel better about it anyways.
What’s a not-weird way to ask someone to be...
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Judith Light is the Boss: Contract Points
It is a widely-known fact that Dixie Carter, a lifelong Republican, required the producers of Designing Women to allow her to sing a song for every time her character Julia Sugarbaker went on a liberal rant. Everyone knows this, obviously, even children, and most of the unborn (life begins at knowing this factoid). But Dixie’s contract paled in comparison to the ironclad clauses in Judith...
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“Sometimes, when we look at a happy couple and wish that we could have what they...”
– Ask an Evil Genie: “I wish I could be a hologram like Tupac”
